parentspage

For best results, parents should memorize and use the following:

Before the match:

1. I love you

2. Good luck

3. Have fun

After the match:

1. I love you

2. It was great to see you play

3. What would you like to eat?

Important Don'ts for AYLESBURY ATHLETIC Parents

Don't put yourself in your child's place in a practice or game. If he or she makes a mistake or a big play, it's their misfortune or fortune - not the parents.

Don't talk about the "big game" all day. It is not the World Cup.

Don't criticize your child or other children on your child's team or other teams.

Don't yell instructions to your child. That's the coach's job. Give general encouragement to the team.

Don't start analyzing your child's performance right after the game. Let them know that you are proud of their accomplishments.

Never criticize the coach. Before you complain, decide whether you're ready to give up your valuable free time to coach. If not, don't complain.

Don't forget the referees are human, so don't abuse them.

Don't forget to praise all of the players after the game whether they win or lose.

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Help Wanted

POSITION: Mum and Dad

JOB DESCRIPTION:

Long term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in faraway cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required. Love of soccer a must.

RESPONSIBILITIES:

For the rest of your life. Must be willing to be thought of as completely wrong, old fashioned, un-cool, and you must know that most of your actions will cause acute embarassment, at least temporarily, until someone needs £5 to go the Odeon, new shinpads or a ride somewhere. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case the screams from the garden are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects, while knowing the full football schedule... both practices and games! Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION:

N/A

Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so

that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:

None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:

You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right... and the knowledge that you have given the world this wonderful gift, your child. So you see, no matter how many games or championships our kids win, no matter how many awards our website wins... the true winners are our kids... for having wonderful parents like you!